Frozen Crossroads
Well it certainly has been a while. The year is whipping by like a gust of cold wind, and with it have come moments of greatness and moments of utter boredom and self loathing. Perhaps it has been the onslaught of work, or the lack of available sobriety, either way, it's been a tad bit bland. We have bordered past the halfway point, and already I am lamenting at what the year could have been. I guess we always come in with high expectations, and these are not always met. Regardless, I am not stopping on the quest for an awesome year, and as such, I've decided to clean up my act, try new things, and take some risks. Don't get me wrong, this year has had its fair share of great moments. For instance, I've produced some musical works which I am very proud of, and I'm in the process of restoring my will to create more. There have also been some fun times with good friends, movies, parties, but perhaps not enough. The worrying gene that I have inherited from my mother is finally blooming, and the future seems wide open and with no direction. Music? Film? or something completely different?
Maybe I've been cooped up in my room for too long, or it's the weather, but I'm starting to feel empty. Times are a-changing, and fast. And I've been sitting back and letting it slip by. Everybody is so dispersed, and sometimes I feel like there's nobody around that I can truly talk to and just chill out with. Residence has its share of friendly faces, but I haven't truly bonded with anyone on a deeper level. I've gotten to know some people in Film really well, but once again, none of them are really in close enough vicinity to hang out with on a regular basis. So my social life has been on and off lately, and I'm sick of it.
People are off having adventures, living incredible lives, sharing incredible stories, and eating incredible food; and I envy them continuously. To the extent, perhaps, that I feel I need a change of scenery. Maybe I'm taking what's right in front of me for granted, but I'm tiring of the menial day-to-day routine. I have no clue what I really want to do with my life at this point. Should I? I mean I'm only twenty years old. All I know is that I've had a love affair all my life with music. I think my dream job right now is to form an electronic band, tour the world, and spread the love, and get famous. Like MSTRKRFT. And produce all of my own music videos. Just throw wicked parties all over the world, and meet incredible people, and show them our movies. But in the mean time I need to find some form of financial stability that will help fund the dream, and I'm lost for ideas. If I go into sound, I can start off as a sound designer/engineer and maybe land a decent career straight out of university. If I go into editing, I could probably work on some television shows as an assistant editor and make amends. Or if I go the entrepreneurial route and start my own production company, I could make hardly anything while trying to get a business off the ground, and slowly attract likeminded creative people to work on films/ads/promos with no guarantees of success. So far I've learned that I'm good with coming up with great ideas. Executing them, on the other hand, has proven to be a problem. I'm a very conceptual and instinctual thinker, and I believe in art not only as an aesthetic means of pleasure or entertainment, but as powerful force that can change the way we think, as well as a tool to promote creativity and individualism.
Perhaps I just need a break to think things over, but I feel like I am at such a crossroads in every facet of my life, and it's driving me to the point of anxiety. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself. Maybe I just need to think more positively. Nevertheless, I only hope that when the time comes, I make the right decision.
- James
Maybe I've been cooped up in my room for too long, or it's the weather, but I'm starting to feel empty. Times are a-changing, and fast. And I've been sitting back and letting it slip by. Everybody is so dispersed, and sometimes I feel like there's nobody around that I can truly talk to and just chill out with. Residence has its share of friendly faces, but I haven't truly bonded with anyone on a deeper level. I've gotten to know some people in Film really well, but once again, none of them are really in close enough vicinity to hang out with on a regular basis. So my social life has been on and off lately, and I'm sick of it.
People are off having adventures, living incredible lives, sharing incredible stories, and eating incredible food; and I envy them continuously. To the extent, perhaps, that I feel I need a change of scenery. Maybe I'm taking what's right in front of me for granted, but I'm tiring of the menial day-to-day routine. I have no clue what I really want to do with my life at this point. Should I? I mean I'm only twenty years old. All I know is that I've had a love affair all my life with music. I think my dream job right now is to form an electronic band, tour the world, and spread the love, and get famous. Like MSTRKRFT. And produce all of my own music videos. Just throw wicked parties all over the world, and meet incredible people, and show them our movies. But in the mean time I need to find some form of financial stability that will help fund the dream, and I'm lost for ideas. If I go into sound, I can start off as a sound designer/engineer and maybe land a decent career straight out of university. If I go into editing, I could probably work on some television shows as an assistant editor and make amends. Or if I go the entrepreneurial route and start my own production company, I could make hardly anything while trying to get a business off the ground, and slowly attract likeminded creative people to work on films/ads/promos with no guarantees of success. So far I've learned that I'm good with coming up with great ideas. Executing them, on the other hand, has proven to be a problem. I'm a very conceptual and instinctual thinker, and I believe in art not only as an aesthetic means of pleasure or entertainment, but as powerful force that can change the way we think, as well as a tool to promote creativity and individualism.
Perhaps I just need a break to think things over, but I feel like I am at such a crossroads in every facet of my life, and it's driving me to the point of anxiety. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself. Maybe I just need to think more positively. Nevertheless, I only hope that when the time comes, I make the right decision.
- James
posted by J-kash at 3:31 PM
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