Thoughts - 18/03/08

stuck on hold in a virtual existence,
sought after dreams wither away in distant streams,
lost along the rocky path of the elements,
shy and young with journeys waiting patiently,

tomorrow sends you further and further away from the truth,
hanging on to the eclipse of night,
recharging visions of the present endeavour,
for existing within the boundaries we seldom forget,
that our lustful hands unwillingly beset

reasoning with space in time, and time and again,
shifting into the impenetrable sublime,
climbing invisible walls to find love,
and we are left with cognitive breath,
found in every particle of existence

the delicate fascination of the unknown spurs paranoia,
a frowned upon sense of freedom and adventure,
a shallow view of the deeper pool,
opening with each solemn melody of wisdom;
a blossoming spark of light.

we glance to forget what we will not forgive,
but we forgive to glance at what we forget.

Frozen Crossroads

Well it certainly has been a while. The year is whipping by like a gust of cold wind, and with it have come moments of greatness and moments of utter boredom and self loathing. Perhaps it has been the onslaught of work, or the lack of available sobriety, either way, it's been a tad bit bland. We have bordered past the halfway point, and already I am lamenting at what the year could have been. I guess we always come in with high expectations, and these are not always met. Regardless, I am not stopping on the quest for an awesome year, and as such, I've decided to clean up my act, try new things, and take some risks. Don't get me wrong, this year has had its fair share of great moments. For instance, I've produced some musical works which I am very proud of, and I'm in the process of restoring my will to create more. There have also been some fun times with good friends, movies, parties, but perhaps not enough. The worrying gene that I have inherited from my mother is finally blooming, and the future seems wide open and with no direction. Music? Film? or something completely different?

Maybe I've been cooped up in my room for too long, or it's the weather, but I'm starting to feel empty. Times are a-changing, and fast. And I've been sitting back and letting it slip by. Everybody is so dispersed, and sometimes I feel like there's nobody around that I can truly talk to and just chill out with. Residence has its share of friendly faces, but I haven't truly bonded with anyone on a deeper level. I've gotten to know some people in Film really well, but once again, none of them are really in close enough vicinity to hang out with on a regular basis. So my social life has been on and off lately, and I'm sick of it.

People are off having adventures, living incredible lives, sharing incredible stories, and eating incredible food; and I envy them continuously. To the extent, perhaps, that I feel I need a change of scenery. Maybe I'm taking what's right in front of me for granted, but I'm tiring of the menial day-to-day routine. I have no clue what I really want to do with my life at this point. Should I? I mean I'm only twenty years old. All I know is that I've had a love affair all my life with music. I think my dream job right now is to form an electronic band, tour the world, and spread the love, and get famous. Like MSTRKRFT. And produce all of my own music videos. Just throw wicked parties all over the world, and meet incredible people, and show them our movies. But in the mean time I need to find some form of financial stability that will help fund the dream, and I'm lost for ideas. If I go into sound, I can start off as a sound designer/engineer and maybe land a decent career straight out of university. If I go into editing, I could probably work on some television shows as an assistant editor and make amends. Or if I go the entrepreneurial route and start my own production company, I could make hardly anything while trying to get a business off the ground, and slowly attract likeminded creative people to work on films/ads/promos with no guarantees of success. So far I've learned that I'm good with coming up with great ideas. Executing them, on the other hand, has proven to be a problem. I'm a very conceptual and instinctual thinker, and I believe in art not only as an aesthetic means of pleasure or entertainment, but as powerful force that can change the way we think, as well as a tool to promote creativity and individualism.

Perhaps I just need a break to think things over, but I feel like I am at such a crossroads in every facet of my life, and it's driving me to the point of anxiety. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself. Maybe I just need to think more positively. Nevertheless, I only hope that when the time comes, I make the right decision.

- James

Thoughts

Life is transient. Sometimes we become too absorbed in our daily lives that we forget who we really are. Eventually, like a child discovering his surroundings, we start to learn new facets of our personalities that have been repressed through the vice grip that is time. We notice lost quirks, yet allow room for new ones to settle in. We exist to seek some form of purpose, a purpose that is self-validiting, yet beneficial to society. Humanity forms in chain-link fences, it is sturdy and strong - yet not impenetrable completely. If one link is severed, the rigidity of the others supports the broken conduit.

We glance back for reassurance. For our slowly blooming confidence, we nurture it through contemplation and familial situations. Yet on this journey to the inevitable apex of our lives, we seem to miss out on the more important things. Are we less than aware of our place in this world of endless possibility? The mathematics of beauty; the striking harmonic codes of our wisdom; the independence of our minds - merely, but not mistakeably, stars in a galaxy of synapses floating in weightlessness.

We cannot translate the true and hidden language of our thoughts, consequently our personal capacity to comprehend the seemingly "known" is less than limited. But through the hands of the greatest sculptor of them all, all mighty time, we evolve exponentially. We cannot claim proof to our beliefs, for their inarticulate mystery is silently shrouded by their inexplicability. We teach ourselves to teach ourselves at a very early age. But we realize our "selves" at very different moments in time.

We may find solace in our geometric setting, a certain feeling of "place in the world" that allows us to set our limits through a space of operation. We romanticize the notion that we are alone. That we operate on our personal unaltered judgement. But we are all exquisitely one single flourishing entity, that often forgets what it becomes. It's a matter of remembering what we all left behind.

- James Harris

Google Has Raped Blogger - For the better?/Ramblings About A Strangely Comfortable University Lifestyle

Well it appears as if blogger has been purchased by the Google corporation, and as such I've been forced into getting a Google account. Yet another landmark in google's slow but steady total domination of the capitalist world. I guess the interface looks all nice and googly now, but it still has that familiar blogger touch to it, so I can't really complain.

Ahem, enough of that techno-banter, I really haven't blogged in a while, yet due to a recent facebook outcry from my beloved sister, I've decided to hop back onto the bandwagon. So I suppose the question you're all eagerly asking is, what's new in the strange world of James Harris? Well lets see.. I'll try not bore you too much with meaningless details, however I will grace the notable events. As of late I've been enjoying the university life. There is a lot of sleeping, a lot of laptop use, and a lot of small social debacles. For instance, last night I went to see the Number 23 with a couple friends of mine, Toni and Gerald, both of whom are budding film students like myself. The movie had a lot of potential, but it just did not live up to the hype. The plot was convoluted and strayed off on all these wild hard-to-explain tangents, and it seemed as if in the last 20 minutes of the film they desperately tried to wrap everything together with a ridiculous albeit predictable twist. I think Jim Carrey, being an experienced actor, gave the miserable script his best - but he really should have saved his career for a more artistic and quirky film like "Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind" - because it just works a lot better than a cheesy "trying-to-be-riveting" supsense flick. The evening did not fall short however, for the popcorn was enjoyable, and the subway ride back I shared an interesting conversation about childhood with my friend Toni.

It looks like this week I have quite a bit of work ahead of me. I decided to write a complex wacky-prop filled artsy script with many crazy locations, without even thinking about the logistical process. Well that script was chosen, and now my film partner in crime, Diego Garcia (member of the 'freaks' in the class) and I, have much work to do. Everybody I've talked to in my film class have been sharing their horror stories of staying up all night shooting and getting shit done.. and now I feel really unproductive and lazy. I just really don't see what all the rush is about. I'm a fairly passive guy, and I always will finish an assignment, but I choose the time that I work pretty casually, just to maintain a non-stressful atmosphere for myself. Anyway, I also have this ridiculous FACS performance art thingy I have to do.. We're trying to dissect the problems in the media misrepresenting beauty and such, and so we're doing this survey and asking people to put together their ideal partner with a set of different eyes, noses, ears, faces etc. - kinda like those drawings that the police do when trying to find a criminal. Anyway that should be strangely interesting. Annnd yeah, I should probably start reading my science textbook, just to get a grasp on what the hell we're talking about in class.. but I'll do that eventually.

So enough about business, more on play. Last thursday (pubnight) I played a momentous game of Beer Pong (or Beirut if you prefer), and I won a couple rounds. This was followed by the horribly intoxicating game of Kings (where drunkards come up with ridiculous rules that are often mistakenly broken), and then that was followed by mixing whiskey with ginger-ale, for a classy drunken good time. The rest of the night got a little fuzzy when marijuana came into play, and then I crashed. What else.. umm I went to the gym on saturday, to redeem my less-than-healthy self after such wonton gluttonous debauchery on the eve of pubnight. It was good to get a sweat on, and with my new upgraded 40gig ipod strapped to my ears, I was gunnin'er on that bike. Then I went for a swim in the wonderful pool at York, and man was it ever relaxing. I've forgotten how enjoyable moving around in water can be. So that was a refreshing morning.

Hmm what else can I divulge? I've been chatting with an interesting girl privately in facebook, and she seems like a cool chick (she's also quite cute to boot). I've pretty much given up on old high school crushes at this point, and I'm in really in no rush to dive into anything right now. I'm just taking it easy and seeing what happens really. I'll keep you posted if anything crazy happens in my uneventful love life.

Well that about sums up this slice of my life for todays blog. Expect more crazy blogs in the future, cause I'm thinking of starting to break back into literature again, so this should be a good venting zone for me. On a completely unrelated note: I suggest checking out the following hipster indie bands: Peter Bjorn and John - very unique and catchy band with a european twang to them, Cold War Kids - White Stripes + Strokes + some indie flair = Coldwar Kids. Very cool shit. Annd what else.. MSTRKRFT is fucking cool shit.

Alright that's all for now.

Keep it realistic,

El Jamesø

Almost Done

Confounded exams! Blasted FACS! Treacherous Film Art! These things are consuming the very soul of me right now, and it is driving me bonkers. All I need to do is power study for the next four days, and I should be able to pass both exams with acceptable marks - maybe 60-70 range. That's all I really need.

But enough of this banter.. I decided to take a break from this madness to yet again do another crazy fun filled update on this here blog. The past couple of weeks have been relatively decent. Lots of hanging out with the crew (Ted Killin, Curran Folkers, John Morgan, and occasionally the guy we know as Cam), and experimentation with strange foreign substances, plus I went home for the weekend which was nice, went to some random pub in G-town with Curtis and Chris, annnnnd that's about all that I can think about. Nothing incredibly interesting I'm afraid.

To compensate for this lack of news, I will suggest some artistic things for you to check out:

1. Interstella 5555 - a full length feature cartoon set to the album "Discovery" by Daft Punk, which happens to quite awesome and delicious to the eyes

2. http://www.8bitpeoples.com/discography_gfx.php - this place is full of sweet nintendo style songs created with gameboys and other old school accessories. I recommend downloading "science fiction man" by Dorothy's Magic Bag

3. http://www.thewebshite.net/nickelback.htm - the reason why Nickelback suck! Heheheh

anyway, I should probably get back to studying. I'll have a bigger update later.

It Certainly Has Been Awhile

First and foremost, I sincerely apologize to all of you for the lack of updates on the strange and playfully disparate life that I strive to live. To regrab your undying attention, I have decided to start writing some more of these digital scraps, in an effort not only to document my life, but as a means of honing my journal writing skills, as well as providing a playful diversion for my friends.
But enough of this banter, on to the long awaited update!

As of thus, this new life here for me at York has been a strange yet enjoyable one. I'm pretty much accustomed to sleeping high up on the 8th floor in a double room, yet I still haven't really gotten myself into the "working hard" groove. The confounded hand of procrastination has once again gripped my neck, and has laid out a plethora of distractions (such as high speed internet, video games, chilling with friends, blogging etc.) to throw me off. I suppose I just really don't want to do some of the work, and I keep telling myself that I don't really have to - BUT I DO! what with my plentiful amounts of available time, I keep reminding myself that I can do the said assignment and/or exam tommorow! Yet, from now on, I have made the hard decision to devote at least two hours every night for homework, whether I want to or not.

This weekend had its quirks, but for the most part it has been pretty dull. Mainly there has been lots of intoxicants consumed, and many internet cartoons watched. Nothing dreadfully exciting. Last night, however, was pretty fun. My two georgetown friends Christopher Nagy and Curtis Lolic came over, and I showed them around my residence, did some boring things on my computer, and then we sauntered over to the LCBO to purchase alcohol. Curtis did not want to partake in the act of drinking until drunk, so he left a little early. Chris and I, however, suckled the potent juices out of a couple of Colt 45 forties, and then meandered over to the Mod Club via bus and subway, for more extended good times. We witnessed some half-decent emo band who's band symbol was a neon broken-heart, and then they brought out the dj's and started busting out the beats. Chris reconciled through the generous waves of synchronicity with his talked about crush Kelsey, and he was pleasantly surprised for that apparition. Alas, we decided it was getting late and that we should take 'er on the road, so we subwayed our drunken asses back to bed. All in all, a decent night nonetheless.

I've had the strange feeling that I'm stuck in some sort of limbo. I really just want to get out and do cool things for money, but I have 3 and a half years ahead of me. Curran and I had a discussion on how our lives are going to be awesome when we're thirty. But personally I don't want to wait that long for our lives to be meaningful and awesome in the least. I've always thought to myself that I'd dive right into a relationship once I got to York, but I just don't know right now. Maybe Curran's right - maybe the hard to get girls will be all over us when we're thirty and successful, not when we're 19 and weird.. but I digress.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings...

'till next time!

El J-Kasho

p.s. (I'm going to try and keep this up once a week, so that's the schedule you may expect).

A Strange and Beautiful Life

So a month has flown by my window, and it feels like only a day or two. It is n0w officially imprinted in my semidillusional mind that I am a university student. It's a strange and wonderful lifestyle - what with staying up 'till 3 and sleeping 'till noon, eating fast food every day, watching a lot movies with friends, and feeling hesitant about singing in the shower. My life is on a collision course with absolute awesomeness, and I feel I'm almost at that point.

My courses are, from what I've gathered as of thus, quite interesting and enjoyable. Film production, especially, is quite the jazz. I have to also mention my music class, where my course load basically consists of making electronic compositions for marks.. I mean what's more up my alley? Life Beyond Earth is boring, but so far really easy, and Fine Arts Cultural Studies is a sad excuse for a Fine Arts course.. it's more or less the perfect course for the untalented artisticly inclined. Film art is neat and somewhat enjoyable - we get to watch crazy French movies with incestuous and supernatural subjects.. yeha it's good times.

Frosh week abated weeks ago, and it left a path of drunken destruction and fun. Every thursday 's been especially kick ass - who would've thought that thursday is the best day to party. Last thursday, however, was only kick ass briefly - for drinking a mickey of CC in 5 minutes can change all that.. and cause excessive nausea and vomitation. Also know as: not fun.

Annnnyway, I'm happy to announce that I won't get kicked out of university, because my OSAP shit finally decided to arrive at York, so I'm going to go pick it up friday and get this whole financial shibam figured out.

I apologize for the lack of updates.. I guess I've been more partial to facebook this past month, but I'll give blogger more lovin' in the future.

peace,
Jamesø

p.s. (go see Science Of Sleep! Now! It's like my new favourite movie!)